In 2023, a little film called Barbie made boffo box office, raking in well over a billion dollars and becoming something of a global phenomenon. Sensing a lucrative business opportunity, toy manufacturing company-turned-film production studio Mattel has returned to the well, scrounging up another (mostly forgotten) property in the hopes of printing more money. But exactly just how much cultural cache does Masters of the Universe have? Sure, there’s the notorious, pre-meme culture version of 4 Non Blondes’ “What’s Up.” And Edgar Wright’s Hot Fuzz casually drops a “By the power of Grayskull!” reference. But aside from that, does anyone truly care about the likes of He-Man, Skeletor, et al? If this new film is any proof, Mattel would certainly like to think so. Originally beginning life as a line of action figures in 1982 and immediately followed by an animated television series, Masters of the Universe last received the cinematic treatment in 1987, via a Dolph Lundgren-starring flick produced by Cannon Films. That film crashed and burned, leaving the denizens of Eternia dormant for nearly four full decades, but now we have… Masters of the Universe, which sets out to introduce new youngsters to the franchise while bringing together old fans together is a nostalgia swamp — and hell, maybe sell more toys along the way. As overseen by director and Laika CEO Travis Knight, whose last project was the similarly-minded Bumblebee, Masters of the Universe is eager to please, luxuriating in a joke-driven atmosphere in a bid to ease newcomers in. Trouble is, the film also draws heavily from the MCU’s Thor and Guardians of the Galaxy entries, striking while the iron is cold for an overlong, unimaginative adventure. What should be a launchpad for a new series, then, instead functions more roundly as a death knell for 1980s nostalgia.
For those unaware of the Universe of He-Man and his entire deal, some quick table-setting: the whole thing can best be summed up as a cross between the fantastical escapades of Conan the Barbarian and the sci-fi setting of Star Wars, thrusting loincloth-clad warriors in battle with spaceships and laser guns. He-Man is actually a boy called Prince Adam (played by Artie Wilkinson-Hunt as a child), the tow-headed son of King Randor (James Purefoy) and Queen Marlena (Charlotte Riley), who rule over the kingdom of Eternos on the planet Eternia. The realm is protected by the Sword of Power, guarded by The Sorceress (Morena Baccarin) in Castle Grayskull. To be worthy of his lineage, Adam undergoes fierce combat training with instructor Duncan (Idris Elba), accompanied by Teela (Eire Farrell), Duncan’s daughter and Adam’s best friend. And then there’s his talking green tiger, Cringer, because of course there is. But the harmony of Eternos is disrupted by the arrival of Skeletor (Jared Leto) and his army, including enforcers Evil-Lyn (Alison Brie) and Trap Jaw (Sam C. Wilson). To protect the Sword of Power, The Sorceress transports Adam to Earth, who becomes separated from the mythical blade in the process. 15 years later, Adam (now played by Nicholas Galitzine) is living a life of drudgery at a human resources job in Oklahoma City, scaring away internet dates and concerning his supervisors with his constant fascination of finding the sword. When Adam reunites with the sword at a comic book shop, Teela (now played by Camila Mendes) also tracks him down, taking the lost prince back to Eternos to save the kingdom from Skeletor.
Perhaps as a means to address the inherent silliness of rebooting Masters of the Universe for 2026, the screenplay — credited to four writers, as these things tend to be — comes with a wide array of knowing humor, reveling in self-awareness as Adam provides narration from the outset, delivering his backstory in a tone akin to the classic “Yep, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I got in this situation” setup. Indeed, Masters of the Universe is loaded with jokes, largely constituting a blend of the fish-out-of-water japery of Thor with the ball-busting camaraderie of Guardians of the Galaxy. But then the film also has the bad habit of actively calling attention to its own jokes, practically cuing the audience to laugh at the rapid-fire structured punchlines. The film seems to aspire to be little more than a good hang, but to this end there is far too much downtime on offer, slowing the action down after Adam and Teela return to Eternia, and filling in that void with, yes, more jokes and references. Yes, there is a Dolph Lundgren cameo. And yes, “What’s Up” is somehow deployed on the soundtrack. Those are predictable inclusions. But more curious is the baffling use of Queen’s “Princes of the Universe,” a song produced specifically for the Highlander franchise, and that’s before saying anything of the fact that this film also makes an explicit Highlander reference when Adam finds the Sword of Power. Stay in your lane, Masters of the Universe!
Aiding to the (lack of) cause are the film’s performances. Galitzine certainly looks the part, but it’s hardly a star-making turn or as memorably amiable a character as your Thors, and most will be hard-pressed to remember the actor’s name a day later, even if you take note of it in the end credits. Better is Mendes, playing a very feisty Teela, often found saving Adam’s bacon as he moves through his hero’s journey — it’s enough to wish the film instead centered her character. Elba and Brie, meanwhile, arguably fare the best, embracing the blatant silliness without condescendingly winking at the audience, but perhaps the biggest surprise if how tolerable Leto is, once again injecting himself into a piece of ’80s nostalgia (after last year’s Tron: Ares) as the ghoulish warlock Skeletor. Thankfully, he’s more amusing than groan-inducing, which is the level the rest of the supporting cast — which includes Jóhannes Haukur Jóhannesson as Fisto, who becomes the butt of several ill-advised fisting jokes, and Kristen Wiig as Roboto, a snarky android maid possessing super strength — mostly lands at.
It will probably surprise no one to hear how heavily Masters of the Universe borrows from established Marvel formulae, including the distended runtime, which crosses the 140-minute mark for no good reason. But therein lies the problem: after so many of those entries, which themselves have become more unnecessary and less accomplished by basically every metric with each subsequent release, how was cribbing that calculus ever going to result in a different outcome. That’s not to say the film is a disaster by any means, but — arguably worse — a shrug of facsimile. And who is Masters of the Universe even for, exactly? Early box office yields suggest any franchise plans are all but coffin-meet-nail kaput, rendering the many mid- and post-credit sequences superfluous and a bit embarrassing. Along with Stranger Things ending earlier this year, maybe this film can be regarded as a sign that we can now move on from the 1980s and shift our focus to the inevitable plunder and regurgitation of everything from 1990s. The children surely yearn for an L.A. Confidential reboot.
DIRECTOR: Travis Knight; CAST: Nicholas Galitzine, Camila Mendes, Idris Elba, Jared Leto, Alison Brie, Jóhannes Haukur Jóhannesson; DISTRIBUTOR: Amazon MGM Studios; IN THEATERS: June 5; RUNTIME: 2 hr. 20 min.
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